Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Weight loss progress

At the end of March this year, a friend of mine took a picture of me bowling on our double date and he text me the picture thinking I'd love it and want to post it.

I saw that picture and it was a huge wake up call. I didn't realize just how BIG I'd gotten. With the major depression, serious PCOS hormone problems, last year's broken ankle incident-causing me to not walk for months, new medications and fears, serious pain flare ups, I had gained and continued to gain. In 2008 I was big, but not BIG. I was a size 11 and about 165lbs. I even wore a bikini. I'd like to be under that by 2013 summer....a LONG WAY to go!!!!

My wake up call jump started my weight loss. I became more active (no workout schedule due to health issues, but hope to change that soon!) I began paleo then switched to gluten free eating. I am not as STRICT with the gluten free as I should be, and hope to change that again! Please, if you suffer from PCOS, consider gluten free. SO MANY OF US ARE INTOLERANT TO GLUTEN AND DO NOT KNOW IT! Now, I have a long way to go, A LONG WAY...but I am going to say I'm proud of where I'm going, and what I've accomplished thus far.

52lbs gone!

I'd like to lose at least 50 more, if not, 75 more!!! I'm now a size 17/18...and ideally would like to be below a 10. I will never be that girl who is a size 5, or whatever. My hips are way, way too wide and I have a rather large behind!

I know several posts ago I posted a picture, so I'll post that again, and then a few recent ones that I think show the most weight loss progress!

and this next one is me at Christmas one year ago. I cried when I found it in my email.

And I can't believe I'm going to post it....

SO GROSS. I was so sad. Such a lot has changed in one short year...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

A Check-in with some thoughts.

Oh, boy have I been going through some necessary changes!! Some big changes.
I have in the past few months sat down and looked at my surroundings and literally weeded through hundreds of people. Wondering why certain people were involved in my life? Realizing I kept negative people around simply because I hate feeling lonely. Allowing chaos to enter my home and marriage. Allowing stress to overtake me. Being the reason for sadness, drama, unnecessary stress and arguments with many people. Realizing some people judge us without getting to know us, MANY people take advantage of our kindness and hospitality, and some people are just at different places in their lives than we are or want to be.

I had to let go of a lot of people/places/things. I want to build myself up, and I'm finding it hard to do. I've realized just how LITTLE self confidence I have. I'm focusing on what is important to me and I'm scared to death to find out who I am, but I am ready. Very ready. Through my anxiety and fear, I've just kept trekking. Yes, my home is quieter, yes some people are angry that I "deleted" them, yes, I don't recognize myself at the moment but I'm ready. I want to know who I am, and what my Heavenly Father has created me to be.

If not a mother right now, then who?

I've been trying to stay active, learn to be by myself in quietness, and focus on my immediate surroundings. Accept emotions as they come, process feelings and speak up.

Speaking up and saying how I truly feel has been probably the biggest change in me and the most liberating.

I celebrated 2 years of marriage with my husband up at Hearst Castle in late October. It was simply heaven. The best trip and time spent together yet. A memory I'll cherish for a lifetime.

November brought joy, close family, Thanksgiving, and some party planning.

This month, so far, I have stayed quite busy planning my stepson's 6th birthday party which was a HUGE success.
I hosted a Bug Birthday party here at my home and had a HUGE turnout. Bounce house, kids and puppies running around, adults mingling laughing and enjoying food. I made centerpieces, party favors, decorations and more. I had the help of a good friend, and it was an enjoyable and stressful thing to do, but worth every minute of sleep lost, every anxiety and tear. I doubted myself too much (as usual) and it wound up being one of the best parties I've ever put together!

Now that that is over, I'm focusing on Christmas. This will actually be the first Christmas morning I get to wake up next to my DH--just him and I. He won't be rushing off to work. No one will be here but just him and I. It will be just the two of us, which I am very much looking forward to. It will be a dream come true. A magical, peaceful day for sure.

I'm not quite sure I want this blog anymore? Has it changed my focus? I do enjoy writing. It calms me, helps me express my inner thoughts. But, should I be focused on ttc right now, or is God calling me to do something else? I often sit quietly and ask him this.

I do want to take the time to thank all of my supporters who have encouraged me, read my posts, and been through this blog's journey with me for the past 18 months. Most of those I've followed have conceived or adopted, and have had wonderful success stories and that gives me hope for one day. One day when God is ready.

For now, I am becoming Amy. Whoever she is.

Below are a few pictures of our dear Hunter's 6th birthday party. I may add more later as I get them.
Also, some Christmas Pictures from us.


Cycle Ticker!