Friday, February 24, 2012

Spread the word!!!!

We will be doing our very first amazing giveaway on our Nonprofit Facebook site very soon for 1in10!!!

Go "like" our Facebook page to be able to qualify! (Trust me, you'll want to win!!) Help me by re-blogging this, and post our link onto your own websites and Facebook. Help us spread the word about support and information for those suffering with PCOS and for their loved ones. We can do this!

Thank you so much Everyone!


Monday, February 20, 2012


Just wanted to let everyone know that I may be MIA for a couple of weeks.

Laptop experienced a crash, Toshiba taking fault and will fix for free (minus shipping--which is okay because it is so much better than having to pay another grand for a laptop!) I have got to ship it off this week, and should expect it back in ten days after shipping it. It's unfortunate, and just not happening at a great time! Life happens right??

Yesterday was a trip to the hospital :( Poor DH. We thought he had appendicitis. Even doctors were convinced, but after a CT Scan, and xrays... we discovered he has Crohn's Disease. We are thankful for not needing surgery yesterday and grateful for all of the prayers we recieved from loved ones. He is still weak and resting, but should recover pretty quick. We are learning all about the disease and about treatments and going to learn to live a new lifestyle!

Poor guy was in a lot of pain!!!

I will periodically jump on whatever device I can and try to update you guys in the next two weeks!! Sticky baby dust to all my IF sisters out there!!!

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Food Poisoning??

Yesterday was just awful. I woke up around 2am with the extreme urge to throw up. Ran to the bathroom and was in there for the next two hours... Throwing up every where...over and over. Pretty sure I ate something realllly bad. I had no energy yesterday... it hurt to fold a shirt and I was extremely dehydrated. I had a constant headache from dehydration I think up until this morning. I slept most of the day yesterday. Today, I am still kind of weak, but have had more energy to get a few things and chores done. I sure hope I never feel that bad again!!!

Reminding everyone to visit and "like" our page, spread the word! Our first fun giveaway is coming up VERY soon, and every day we post some facts on PCOS. Help us out, reblog our link!

Hope everyone's weekend is going well!!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Thursday afternoon musings...

The past couple of days have been pretty good. I got a letter from my little brother who is in boot camp for the Navy!!!!! I miss talking to him so much and listening to his raps! It truly made my day soooo amazing!!!

Also, yesterday my dear, wonderful husband decided to add to our family yet again. (I know I can't give him babies right now, but he can not stop bringing home the cutest animals...ack!) I love these two dearly, but still have to get used to them. Our dear Widget ran away during construction on December 28th...and since then we have only had one little dog, except for the few weeks of dog sitting last month. Well, as my husband was browsing on craigslist--he noticed two pure bred Shih Tzu puppies were being given away. They were brother and sister, and came with EVERYTHING. Literally EVERYTHING (numerous beds, kennels, food, toys, blankets, treats, etc) for free. They are fixed and updated on shots. House Trained. (supposedly) Well, he just couldn't say no, and I told him it was okay. They are adorable. Ginger(left) and Tommy Boy(right). I still have to get used to three little dogs running around my feet, they were overly excited and in a new environment yesterday so they left a few presents around the house, but have been pretty good since. I'm just sad because I know my husband really wants a child, and I have to tell him to stop bringing animals and fishies home!

Today our little niece came over for a little bit, it was pretty fun to have her around again! She LOVED the doggies and that is all she was saying "doggie..go...doggie...doggie!!!"
DH reading to our niece on his Nook!
Niece asleep in my arms.

I have been kind of laid back but kind of emotional at the same time. Pretty calm, but tearful about a lot, which is pretty normal for me at this point in my cycle.

Symptoms the past few days:

  • occasional breast pain.
  • increased CM
  • occasional heart burn
  • some sharp cramping under my belly button and near ovaries.
According to online generators, I "might have" ovulated around the 8th and should implant around today or tomorrow if conception was successful. I feel my body doesn't go by these generators. And, only God knows (without monitoring by doctors or using OPK's, of course) if I ovulated on my own. 
I might go get a test on Saturday, but not too sure if I really want to. We will see!!

DH is going out to dinner with his good friend tonight, and I'm totally stoked to get to curl up to Netflix, with my pj's on... grab some snacks and as DH puts it "have my crying ritual" hahahaha. Alone time is absolutely amazing sometimes!

Congrats to my IF blogger sisters who recently got your BFP's!!! 

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day 2012

Valentine's Day:

February 14, observed in honor of St. Valentine as a day for the exchange of 
valentines and other tokens of affection.

This is the 5th Valentine's day that I have had the amazing opportunity to spend with Robert. For the past 4 years, we have taken mini getaway vacations that I have been surprised with. This year, circumstances are different, so we decided to save our money and spend it at home. Our home! We had a great and relaxing day. Slept in, lounged on the couch. Laughed. Cooked dinner together (Cream of Mushroom Pork Chops--my specialty, homemade garlic mashed potatoes with homemade gravy, steamed broccoli and carrots and we cracked open a very special bottle of wine from our honeymoon--just 1 glass for me!) We had red velvet cake for dessert and again lounged. Poor DH hurt his ankle pretty bad a few days ago, and finally listened to me and let me wrap it after watching him limp pretty bad. Glad he is getting some relief! I am actually not as sad as I thought to break our tradition of our surprise getaways. I really enjoyed saving the money, and spending time at home with DH and our puppy. My love got me my first pair of Toms and some beautiful roses and such a cute pop-up card! He had no where to write on the card, so he just wrote on the envelope! Such a cutie. I got him some cute boxers, some sour candies (his favorite) and the new Toby Keith cd. When we were first dating, I swear I would buy him a new CD every week! It was so funny, we spent most of our dates picking out new CD's... we don't do that much anymore, as we have itunes and ipods... but I thought it would be a cute idea to remember those dating years!!! 

I'd love to hear about YOUR Valentines Day with your loves. Comment Below!!!!

Here are some pictures of my day:

Roses, Toms and Card from the hubs.

My gifts to him!

Yummy dinner at home!!!


Sunday, February 12, 2012


As you can see, I have been busy making a lot of changes to my blog. I am, of course trying to learn how to use blogger better, and how to be a better blogger!

You can navigate through the "tabs" above, as I have added our TTC timeline, and an "About Us". You can also scroll down and on the right hand side, there is a list of some of the blogs I follow, if you are interested in finding more blogs to read!

Feel free to let me know what you think of it, or give tips and advice. I'm practicing for our up and coming non profit, as I will be in charge of our professional blog and this has me extremely excited!!!

As for me:
Hunger has subsided, almost completely...I was starving for days no matter what I did, now I have absolutely no appetite whatsoever. Strange???
I've had a few cramps, insomnia and breast pain but nothing huge.
I will keep everyone updated for sure! I did not purchase any hpt's this cycle.. and hope to keep myself from purchasing any until around the 20th, a few days before AF is due. Ideally, I would love to wait as long as possible to see if AF doesn't show up, and then test. But, we all know what kind of POAS addict I am!!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Promoting 1in10

As I have stated before, a few women and I have decided to go full force into starting up a Non Profit Organization geared towards PCOS awareness and support. We have named the business 1in10 which represents the statistic that 1in10 women are diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome every year.

Please help me spread the word!!!! Do you or someone you know suffer from PCOS??? Lead them to our page for information, support and awareness!

If you are a member of Facebook, please click the link, "like" the page and share!!!


Watch for our live website launch on Valentine's Day! Our Facebook page will link you to our website that day!
We are also putting together contests and giveaways!!!! Stay tuned!!

Thank you everyone!

1am and insomnia.

Was able to talk to my Uncle... wow, was that amazing or what?!!! I have felt alone for so long and got so much support from him and am so very grateful. Just has me thinking...and as most of you know, me---thinking??? Yeah, contains insomnia and too many thoughts!!! BUT, I am so grateful to have family in my life, and able to express my feelings and thoughts and I was able to share my IF journey with him!! I just can't get to sleep now.. so hopefully soon I fall to rest and gain more and more inspiration for my journey ahead. I am so happy to now have my uncle on board and journeying with me through this all.

Love and baby dust <3

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Day 30--Finally!

Day 30- Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility:

A lot of my IF friends know right now that I lost a friendship/sisterhood recently due to a very personal struggle I had with a choice she made. I recently learned that she is avidly TTC now, and I'm worried and sad that we are doing it separately. I almost feel like she is doing it to "beat me to it" because of the timing, but that could just be my own personal sadness or emotions taking over. Anyone and everyone who tells me I'm whining and complaining about my IF journey has to go. I hope to work it out someday with her specifically but the others that I have had to get out of my life--WILL not come back. I've had several women now say those things to me and then laugh in my face and say "I will get pregnant before you! You forget my body works better than yours!!!" I don't get how anyone can become that spiteful, hurtful and just idiotic. It is amazing that here I am almost 28 years old and people are acting like they are 14 years old...this isn't a game! This is bringing a child into your life, for the rest of your life. EVERYTHING will change. You have to be committed for LIFE. I hope that I don't keep losing "friends" but to tell you the truth, they probably aren't real friends if they keep saying things like that.

IF is such an emotionally draining journey and tougher than anyone will know unless they have gone through it. Please, everyone... be supportive--and never, ever put a woman going through IF down about their journey. 

YAY!!! I actually finished that challenge! I actually finished SOMETHING!

Ok, so generators and websites tell me I might have ovulated yesterday, but I swear 3 days ago I did. Who knows, I didn't use OPK's this cycle and I'm leery about using them anyways because with PCOS they can give you false readings. I will know more about my cycles when I get back to my RE! Some symptoms that led me to believe I might have ovulated this month are:
  • swollen bbs and poofy nipples
  • bloating
  • gassy
  • diarrhea
  • moody
  • sharp cramps on BOTH sides
  • Super hungry
As I look back on the months I've tracked symptoms, these seem to be pretty common for me as an indicator of ovulation. I sure hope my body released an egg on it's own this month! That would be a success to ovulate without medication assisting it! Fingers crossed for a successful cycle, whether that results in a BFP or AF arriving on her own and on time! Good luck to all you ttc'ers and baby dust to ALL of you! 
Guess I'm in the 2ww now.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 29--

Day 29 - If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?

I had not known that I would later have trouble conceiving as I got pregnant the first time I had sex when I was 17 years old.  And pregnant again the next year. 

I don't understand sometimes why God felt I could bring two wonderful angels into the world whom would be raised by other people and then when my life got on the right path, and I met the man of my dreams...changed who I married and got a house and stability---Why he feels that infertility is right for me. Right for our marriage??? 

I was so young and scared and alone, I did not enjoy and record my pregnancies. I was very sad and hungry going without food a lot. I had no help. I was still being abused by many people. I wish I could go back and record everything---because I often wonder if I'll ever get pregnant...and I want to remember what that was like. That time of my life was just so dark and painful (besides bringing two angels into the world which was the brightest moments of my life) I think my mind has tried to protect me, so I wouldn't remember and re-live through that pain and horror. I would have tried my best to stay healthy and not let myself fall into a four year depression. 

My husband and I knew going into our marriage that it would not be easy because we had already been trying for two and 1/2 years. And I had tried with a previous relationship for two years before that. We had no idea why, and I'm grateful to finally have a diagnosis and hopefully find the right treatment for me and my body to achieve that BFP someday!!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Catching up a bit

Day 21 - If you had gotten pregnant that first month you started trying, how would you have been a different parent? What changes have you made to your parenting style (either current or future) in the time you spent trying to conceive?

I would not have known the struggles, and taken for granted God's gift of life. I think I would be pretty much the same parent, but maybe now I will take in every single little thing if I get pregnant and raise a child. I think I will appreciate being a mother to them so much more than before and cherish each second as they grow up.

Day 22 - What was the first baby or pregnancy-related purchase you ever made? Was it before or after you started trying to conceive? Or was it after you were already pregnant?  Why did you choose that particular item to buy first? If you haven’t purchased anything yet, why not?

I think my post from two days ago explains this one.

Day 23 - Talk about how you chose your RE.

I did not choose him, my Primary Doc referred me to specifically him because she trusts him and knows how compassionate he is towards each patient. I am always grateful to her for this.

Day 24 - If a very observant stranger were to walk into your house, what clues could lead them to believe that you have struggled with infertility?

The clues would be: prenatals, robitussin, baby aspirin next to my bed. The Fertility tea in my drawer in the kitchen, which I drink every day. The stack of HPT's in my bathroom cabinet, and the fact that there is no nursery set up in my house but all of these things around...just might give them a clue.

Day 25 - Have you ever bonded with someone IRL over infertility?
My mother in law has come to me and told me her struggles for 10 years with infertility. I have been able to go to her, which I never thought I would be able to. She sits, listens, supports, and laughs about the funny things I try to do. She truly is a blessing in my life!

Day 26 - Were you the product of infertility? Was anyone you know the product of infertility? How do you know? Or do you just suspect based on circumstances like age differences between siblings, time between marriage and conception, etc.

I'm pretty sure I was not. But my husband is. My mother in law tried to have a child for ten years and turned to adoption. DH's older sister came home first, and then a few years later they had the opportunity to adopt my husband at birth. About a year into our dating--I was able to find my DH's birth mother after he had been looking for many years, and they now have a wonderful relationship too!!! He even got to dance with both moms at our wedding <3

Day 27 - Talk about a time when you made someone in your life understand more about infertility.
I think so many people out there are very uneducated, and infertility is still a very quiet disease. I have been pretty open with most of my friends about my struggles and have been able to teach a lot of them how to track their cycles, temp, notice ovulation and explain things they never did in sex ed! hahaha. I am so glad I feel open enough to speak about my infertility struggles because I have gotten to know some amazing women around the country who know, feel and live my struggles and we are able to support each other daily. I am also proud it has brought some of us to the point to starting a Non Profit Organization for PCOS awareness and support.

Day 28 - What do you use the “nursery” for right now? If you already had a baby, what did you use it for before pregnancy?

Well, originally when we moved in, we set up the room for DH's son--but things went very sour very fast and my stepson was never here at our we decided to rent the room out, and were able to do that for a while and now it is a guest room and my good friend is staying in there while her parent's house is being remodeled. So, I guess you can say it is a guest room! My office is still close to our room but not right next to it, so I don't think we would turn that into a nursery...I'd be too afraid of the baby being "too far" from me!!

So we can all agree

That I am not good at doing daily blog challenges. I fall so far behind! I will try to catch up, and that will be in the next post.

I do want to make something clear on here first...

I know that my blog is public. I prayed about the decision to make it private, but felt it can reach more women going through IF if I kept it public. Now, I do cost myself privacy from those people who are in my life or WERE in my life that I don't really want to know my personal business. I know I take that risk but this blog is not for me to just sit and write down only for myself. This blog is out there for women going through this journey to know they are not alone. That is important to me. I just ask those of you that read this blog that DO know me personally--please keep it to yourself. Please? I am so tired of feeling nervous every time I post--thinking rumors will be started (which has happened when someone went to my inlaws) and I don't need that in this journey and I would hope you respect that I am publicly wearing my heart on my sleeve on this blog and be sensitive to that. I do have a widget on my blog that lets me know where everyone is who reads my blog---so I know who reads it, and that is why I am posting this.

Ok, onto the next post!!!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Please keep this private, it is SACRED.

Dear Future Baby,

Your Daddy and I said a special prayer and decided to start planning for your future today. We went to the mall and started talking about you. Your Daddy took me into a maternity store and bought me my first maternity clothes I hope to wear someday while I'm carrying you. We then went to a baby store and bought you your first sleeper! We don't know if you'd be a boy or girl so we got one with duckies! I don't care if these things hang in my closet for months, or years...Just know we are waiting for you down here, trying to create you and can't wait to hold you someday. We don't care what we have to go through or how long we have to wait, God is busy making you dear little one.

Your future Mommy and Daddy 

Quick Sunday Morning Post:

Will catch up my blog challenge soon.
Yet again, life is busy!
Got to thinking about my post a few months ago: Cheri22, the psychic? Remember? She said she saw October, boy. October being the month I conceive, find out in, or give birth in. Well, if it was the latter, I'd have to get pregnant this cycle for a little baby to be born in October :) We're un-medicated (as far as Fertility treatments go) again, but I'm trying the pre-conception tea, taking prenatals and robitussin! If this cycle does not work (most likely will not) DH and I have prayed and talked about it and decided a few weeks ago that we are ready to go back on treatments!!!! It has been a good break from so many doctors visits, treatments, and stress. It has been good for our marriage, and I think we are stronger and more ready for the road ahead. We want to thank everyone for their support all along!

Today is Superbowl Sunday!!!
Totally not into NFL, so DH and I are going to NOT pig out in front of the t.v. and we ARE going to get out, get some exercise, and explore!!!

Happy Sunday everyone!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Day 20

Day 20 - Discuss how you found your way into the ALI community, and what being part of it has meant to you – good and bad.

First of all I had to google ALI--which means "Adoption, Loss, Infertility"
I obviously still have a lot to learn!

Well, quite frankly, I did not know I was a part of this group for years. In June, when I was finally diagnosed with PCOS and made it to an infertility doctor, I knew then that I was a part of this community. I came home, sat down and Google became my best friend. I joined forums. Learned that there were blogs out there with women going through exactly what I am. There were even groups on Facebook. There were city meet ups. There were books. It was everywhere, but I had no idea before the day my diagnosis was told to me. I wish I would have found out years ago, but God's timing has a purpose. I read one blog and decided I wanted to do this. I wanted to document this journey, no matter how long it took. I knew that I wanted to make a difference. I knew that this topic was too quiet. I wish there was more support and knowledge out there. This is why I am so proud to be a part of a movement in the beginning. A non-profit organization to provide support, knowledge and love. I am so proud of where I've come from since that day back in June. Eventhough I knew for years that "something" was wrong...I am sure I wasn't prepared spiritually to go through this, and I would have never met the amazing women that I have met these past few months. I can say as hard as it may be, I am proud to announce I have PCOS and will never give up.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Day 19

Day 19: Write a letter (one that you never have to send) to a fertile in your life. Did they hurt you? Support you? Tell them how you feel, all the things you can't bring yourself to say in person:

Mine is actually to a few, so if it seems to not make sense, I'm letting go of emotions towards a few women out there.

Dear Blank,

I've had so many thoughts run through my head. The thought of losing supporters has ripped my heart wide open. 

When a girl is young she thinks of growing up with a best friend, a girlfriend, a sister, someone who will be by her side through every break up, period, falling in love, sadness, laughter and joys. Through children being born. Through building a home. Through losses. Through it all. 

For so many years things have been up and down. Late night talks about my sadness. About the emptiness in my soul, my heart, my tummy. Each time af showed up, each faint line I thought was there. Each tear I've cried, every struggle to keep going. What is this life for? Now I sit alone in these thoughts and my tears are not valid to you.

Today we are not close anymore. You've either moved on to have your tummy filled with life or we've stopped talking due to outside sources. The bond is no longer there. You've left me hanging by a thread alone. Do you not remember these struggles? You'll never know how hard it is, how hard it is to be disappointed after years and years of trying for one thing and being a failure over and over again, even through medical interventions---that were unsuccessful. The look in your husbands eyes, the tears he tries to hide so he can be there for you as yours fall to the floor. Barely holding together.

I would give everything that I own to have a family, to be honored to be a mother and you know that. There is such a ritual in the bedroom now that you'll never know the pain that it comes with. The spark has to somehow be kept alive, and make this all not seem like a ritualistic chore because you want passion again with your love. 

The daily struggle to keep going and just help others will never leave your heart, can you understand THAT? You once did. Now you say I whine? I cry? Well, I do. But do not mock my heart.

What happened to your heart? What happened to make your ears go deaf and stop understanding my words? I'm lost inside the memory of how I used to turn to you late at night, in the middle of the day. Sitting on the toilet peeing on a stick. Sharing life with you on a simple webcam. I may sound desperate, but I've lost all belief in support from those I thought that cared and shared my tears. How did you become so blind and forget so easily? 

When did bringing a life into the world, a miracle that is blessed to you, become a competition and a mockery? I know I'm not a perfect person, I know my flaws, I know my successes. I've found a reason for me, and a reason to keep going. Life is still moving forward every minute. The sun rises and sets, but it is so different with people out there who drop you. Who turn their back and fade into the background. It hurts when I've cared enough about them, but knowing their listening ear really had a hole in it, their heart was only painted on and not truly open to you feels like it was all a lie. Have I really been alone all this time?

I know my God is still working hard on making my miracle. I know that someday he or she will be here, to change the world and to give new meaning. I know I must keep moving forward and do the foot work, it is not up to me for how long. 

I can't believe you were the one to build me up and give me hope then so quickly tear me down to the ground.

I hope your new miracle brings you amazing joy and your journey through this doesn't take as long as mine is because it is very hard and though sadness is between us, I never wish this upon anyone. Never.

I'll still think about your journey now as life continues to press forward. I can't keep the days from ending but I can feel joy in knowing that they will start again. There is a reason you were in my life for a bit. 

Back to making that miracle happen in every way possible.

With love, Amy

Catching up at the moment...

Day 15 - Show your favorite outfit or fashion pieces.
I don't have favorite fashion pieces at the moment, ask me this time next year when I'm able to fit into those gorgeous fashion pieces and outfits that I love so much!!!Day 16 - How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?
We actually made this decision a little over a year after we had begun dating. We tried for a year, took a small break while planning the wedding and picked it right back up after the wedding. It has been almost 4 years of trying. God must be working hard creating our little angel.Day 17 - Discuss the most ridiculous thing you ever heard about conception. Where did you hear it? Did it work for someone else? Did you try it?
Standing on your head right after BD. Yes, I've done it!!!!

Day 18 - Besides Mothers Day, what is the hardest holiday for you as an infertile?
I'd say Father's day...but that is too similar to Mother's day. For me, personally the hardest holidays are Christmas and my first two's birthdays. It gets very rough, but as the years go by....I have picked up better coping tools and it never gets easier, but I am learning to distract myself and keep myself healthy and busy on those hard days. 


I just realized I've lost 18.7 lbs!!! I'm so stoked, and this gives me hope that I can lose 80 more lbs! It has been a slow process but I am so proud of it. 

Cycle Ticker!