Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Day 29--

Day 29 - If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?

I had not known that I would later have trouble conceiving as I got pregnant the first time I had sex when I was 17 years old.  And pregnant again the next year. 

I don't understand sometimes why God felt I could bring two wonderful angels into the world whom would be raised by other people and then when my life got on the right path, and I met the man of my dreams...changed who I married and got a house and stability---Why he feels that infertility is right for me. Right for our marriage??? 

I was so young and scared and alone, I did not enjoy and record my pregnancies. I was very sad and hungry going without food a lot. I had no help. I was still being abused by many people. I wish I could go back and record everything---because I often wonder if I'll ever get pregnant...and I want to remember what that was like. That time of my life was just so dark and painful (besides bringing two angels into the world which was the brightest moments of my life) I think my mind has tried to protect me, so I wouldn't remember and re-live through that pain and horror. I would have tried my best to stay healthy and not let myself fall into a four year depression. 

My husband and I knew going into our marriage that it would not be easy because we had already been trying for two and 1/2 years. And I had tried with a previous relationship for two years before that. We had no idea why, and I'm grateful to finally have a diagnosis and hopefully find the right treatment for me and my body to achieve that BFP someday!!!

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