Friday, September 30, 2011

September 30, 2011 Nothing new...

Nothing new around here, going to see RE on Monday and I am actually really excited about that appointment! Going to relax this weekend and enjoy time with my DH :)

I just realized I haven't updated at all on my weight loss. It has kind of been at a stand still...still only at 12 lbs loss, but not gaining any back so that is a good sign I guess! I haven't been too strict on myself, and I am more active now except for the past two days. I've had extreme nausea and DH has had a bad cold. We didn't walk the dogs or go anywhere and basically have been recuperating on the couch. I think DH feels a bit better today because he has been outside for three hours building our new shed!!!! Its going to be nice to get the lawn mower and all of the power tools out of the garage and work on transforming the garage as well.

On another note: I was very sad to see that two of the three fellow blogger's bfp's didn't stick :( I felt so excited for them and then my heart broke for them when the bfp's turned into not so good news. I am keeping these amazing women in my thoughts and prayers. I am terrified of this happening if I ever fall pregnant. Just terrified!

Okay, so I'm pretty much all over the place today! I haven't felt well at all. Can barely eat anything, must be some bug going around. I'll probably be back on here on Monday after my RE appointment! Until then, let's all enjoy this weekend ahead!

Monday, September 26, 2011

September 26, 2011

I figured its about time to update... been a week!

Well, more BFP's from family members and blogger sisters...I'm excited about my fellow IF blogger's BFP's because I know how they've felt throughout their journeys. But the family members was hard. DH and I went to the horse races with his 83 year old grandpa and about 13 other family members showed up! It was a ton of fun, and we were happy to finally get grandpa out of the house again. He's in poor health and isn't as active as he used to be. I found out there that two of DH's cousins are six weeks apart, one due in Jan and one due in Feb. Which makes them about 6 mos along and 5 mos along... they both waited until recently to tell family. I was shocked, and it was hard to see the cousin that was there...everyone rubbing her belly, her announcing its a girl...and announced the name. I was sad, because it was one of DH and I's future names we had picked out. That is going to be hard to hear all the time, but I'm sure we will get over it. I'm happy for the family, but still sad for DH and I. I think I did pretty good, didn't act awkward or anything...socialized, said my congratulations and just tried to have a good time.

As far as symptoms... hardly anything at all, which makes me wonder if af is going to show up on her own or not...I'm wondering if this cycle was annovulatory due to no Clomid. I have a full bloated feeling every now and then usually at night. NO sore bbs at all... a tiny tugging feeling in my arm pits but that is it. Not swollen or sore or anything. I woke up with nausea this morning, which was weird but it went away really quick. I am pretty sure, well almost POSITIVE that I'm out this month so I'm not even going to try to compare it to symptoms of pregnancy. I got a BFN with the only test I had five days ago when a fellow blogger announced her BFP and her and I cycled pretty much at the same time. I have no more tests and I don't plan to buy one unless af is late... which she is due tomorrow or the next day... we will see.

I have RE appointment on the 3rd of Oct. to discuss this fluid. With the help of DH and a fellow blogger I've come to a conclusion that I will not be spending any more money on fertility medicines until I find out about this fluid and do what is needed for that. If that is one of the main factors in my IF, there is no point to spend money on medicine when I haven't treated the fluid yet. I hope we figure this out, and can treat it. Keep me in your prayers that day!

Monday, September 19, 2011

September 19, 2011 Bloated much?

Oh my goodness! I am so bloated it is crazy. I don't know what this is but its not comfy at all. I feel it most at night accompanied by nightly heartburn for the past two nights. Kind of like a pocket full of air and heaviness below my belly button. And a hard abdomen kind of on the sides? If that makes any sense at all? Yuck. I have more acne than a high school freshman classroom. UGH. Talk about not feeling pretty at all.... I'm not thinking anything of it, because more than likely, this will not be a successful cycle.

I had my RE appointment scheduled for today, then had such a bad morning due to crazy insomnia last night that I had to reschedule. I'm so curious to find out if they will figure out what this mystery fluid is...not even google has an idea!

Anywho...on the home front: Our puppies are now being trained on a leash. Its been interesting but tons of fun to take nightly walks with DH...we usually spend about an hour in our neighborhood walking the dogs and looking at all the houses and dreaming of MORE renovations. We just had concrete poured in our back yard for our new tool shed, by our side gate, filled in the planter on the front porch, and extended the back porch. I can't wait for the finished product. Its been pretty nice watching this house turn into what it has over the past 11 months. 11 months? Wow... next month is our Wedding Anniversary!!! I'm so excited!

Going to go catch up on all of your blogs now!

Friday, September 16, 2011

September 16, 2011 Fun? Yes, please.

We've been having a ton of fun lately. From swimming, to bbq'ing to going to Disneyland to down to the beach for pizza and drinks. I'm so happy we have been able to just relax and have this break. We are also spending time organizing and moving furniture around the house.

I have an interesting personality. I enjoy to move my furniture around every six months or so, just for a fresh new look. We are filling up picture frames and adding new decorations. We have put up a lot more pictures of our three children. It is hard, but we feel like it makes this a home. To see the pictures all the time kind of makes us sad, but understand more that we are a loving family and always will be. If we are able to create a child of our own, he or she will have older siblings out there that I know will love them.

I kind of have mild cramping on and off. Kind of that twisting in the ovary area and a slight bit of bloating. I am sensitive..meaning I cry to most television shows, and books right now! As I look back this was pretty normal and not out of the ordinary in my cycle.
We are bd'ing a heck of a lot more. TMI but four times in one day was a new thing to us!!! It was a fun day! DH even took me by the arms on our living room floor and started slow dancing with me. It feels great. I know I'm less of a hormonal "B" lately and I know that is part of why we feel so relaxed! All in all, this month has been much better. So far.

Let's keep our fingers crossed and prayers said for all couples suffering through the tough IF journey.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11, 2011

Where were you on this tragic day 10 years ago? What do you remember?

I was in the hospital getting testing done, a nurse walked over and asked if she could change the channel from MTV...and she said "I think we are under attack." Right as she changed the channel, the second plane hit. I watched in confusion and didn't really understand why a plane would crash into a building?? After my testing, my grandmother drove me back to my high school where I found everyone in hysteria and no class was in running order. All the televisions were tuned into the news and tears were wept in every single class. School was let out two hours early. I was scared.

Today was a good day. Step mommy was out to play! I love that boy dearly and we had a ton of fun. Went to lunch, and then a bunch of school shopping. We had a "fashion show" where MIL and I took him into the dressing room and each new outfit he ran out and showed his daddy and said "how do I look?!" Tons of laughs and fun. I wish it would happen more. DH deserves to be the wonderful father he could be. I will keep myself from saying more of what I want to say.

I will say though that I pray that one day we can create a child together. He is an amazing and patient man, and father. He is providing, loving and is not at all what some people think he is. I am fortunate to have met him when I did, and watch his growth and to fall madly in love with each other. We have been through a lot, and face IF now, but because of the trials we have surpassed, I am confident no matter the outcome of this that we WILL get through it. So long as I work on my insecurities and love myself through each BFN.

I am pretty sure I O'ed today... I felt some pains yesterday (less than when on Clomid) and have a ton of EWCM today. I haven't looked at my chart but I'm pretty sure each month on Clomid I o'ed on the 10th or 11th-ish. We've enjoyed each other a lot more. Haven't woke up wondering if I should bd today or not. I feel a bit more relaxed. Less obsessed, sad and anxious. I have logged onto a few forums to see a few bfp's and I actually smiled and clapped (probably looked crazy sitting here!) I feel that we made a good choice taking a break. I'm still following all of your blogs and praying for your success!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

September 6, 2011

Not much is new here. DH has had several days off, so we have been spending a lot of time just having fun. We've been landscaping our front yard ourselves, and it is a slow process but looking so much better from when we moved in! Oh, the small joys of life!

Well, AF lasted 3 days, left for a day, then came back for a half day.... so in total I had a 3 1/2 day AF. HEAVY and major clots, but very short in length. I'm not sure if I should be concerned? Could it have disappeared so quick because I didn't take the Clomid this month?? I guess I will see if I cycle on my own and AF shows up this month or not. For now, I'm grateful for having shorter periods.

Well, in total I have lost 11.8 lbs since I started trying to lose weight! My clothes are starting to get loose! I'm soooo ready to drop sizes. I know I say I want to be at a certain weight, but I'd rather be in a certain size than worry so much about the number of pounds that I am. I'm hoping to drop 9 dress sizes. Call me crazy, but I'm hoping! I've cut out all starches, and have been avoiding sweets! I walk more, until my ankle is TOTALLY done for the day. I'm feeling so much better!

DH and I have been doing a lot better, I secretly still think about it while bd'ing. I just say let's cuddle, or I'm going to take a nap or something to keep me in the bed laying down (in hopes to keep everything up in there and give those little guys a chance.) I've not opened the app on my phone that tracks my cycle and symptoms. I feel a lot less obession/stress.

I have my appointment with RE set for the 19th to talk about the fluid. I hope we can get SOMETHING figured out!

For now, here is a link to a blog that totally says what I want to say about this stupid game being played on facebook right now...
Bye ladies!

Cycle Ticker!