Sunday, June 15, 2014

I'm 30, still TTC. It's Father's Day... etc

Hello everyone. I'm stopping by for a quick update.
I'm 30! I turned 30 on May 14th. May 16-19 I was in Vegas having the time of my life, it was sure a special way to ring in my 30's. For the months leading up to my 30's I sobbed, I was depressed. I tried to do things that I had never done before. I was determined to complete this list and had this fear that I was leaving my 20's and I would never see them again and there was going to be this huge change.... especially not being a mother. Little did I know that turning 30 would fell fantastic! I feel sexier. I feel different! I was surprised in Vegas by my husband and friends and taken to dinners, shows, limo rides... I dressed in tight skirts, wore expensive make up, had my hair and nails done. Things I NEVER DO. Not to sound vain, but Boy, OH Boy, I felt good. I realized that my life is just starting! My 20's were more child-like. They were not the best, they were stepping stones. I've made adjustments and for some reason, since I've come home from Las Vegas, DH and I have been closer than ever. It has been beautiful.

I've had some severe pain and been sick, but it has not stopped me from feeling very close to my husband. Our marriage has gone somewhere I've never seen it go! It's probably not because I've turned 30, but simply because I've let go of the idea that age and surroundings matter. What matters is that our love will always remain.

Today is Father's day. I woke my sweet DH up this morning with a card. As you know he has a boy that we rarely see. In fact, we have not seen him in months... but still he is a Father no matter what. We also had cards and gifts on our front porch from family. I took him to a cute mom and pop restaurant down the street for breakfast and now he's watching the world cup, then we will bbq and swim in our pool. I know he's hanging onto the hope that his little boy will call him today, and I can only pray. This day is not always easy, but we can celebrate it with a smile, no matter what.

I can also pray that one day this ttc journey will take us to a road where we can become a family together. I've had some very vivid dreams lately of children. I wake up in tears and always talk to DH about the dreams, and they are reoccurring. We have discussed medical treatment again, and still feel that is in our future, but do not want the stress and disappointments just yet. We are BD'ing quite often. Using softcups quite often. Just having fun in our marriage for now, more serious ttc will come with treatments and appointments--- we're just not ready for that road again--quite yet.

I'm staying busy working full time, (plus over time) planning several parties for friends and holidays, diving into photography, keeping up a household, and enjoying being 30 alongside my 33 year old adorable husband!

Thank you to all of you who still support and follow my journey and pray for us. I'm forever grateful.

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