Time Flies...

Where has the time gone? Some days I wake up and have absolutely no idea what day it is. I cannot believe it is so near to September! My life has been okay. I've had some major changes, ups and downs. Realizations, and new goals. I wanted to quickly inform everyone that I not only have PCOS but also Endometriosis. These two are out to make sure I never conceive again. I desperately want a family some day but the past several years of hopes have been crushed. I'm even fearful at the thought of doing fertility treatments again. The hope you cling to and the embarrassment at the doctors. Those emotional whirlwinds were some of the hardest days in my life. I know it will most likely take treatments (if they are even successful) to ever have a family with my DH, but I just don't know if I'm ready to jump back in full time just yet. I'm working on all other areas in my life. My looks, my spirituality, my hobbies, my home. I still ache daily for a child in my arms. I still cry a little when friends and family get pregnant again (they are mostly all onto the 3rd or 4th child now...) Baby showers are easier. Baby stores are easier... I think it is just the fact that I'm going on 10 years ttc now... 7 of those with my now DH. It is just something I am used to now. It does get harder to deal with when I'm medically TTC and go through failed rounds-- another reason I'm not sure I'm ready to start treatments again. Most of the blogs I had followed several years ago have kind of disappeared... and I wonder what everyone out there is up to, and how everyone is doing. Most of you successfully got pregnant or adopted your precious babies... and I'm so happy for you! I miss the days of getting to know each and everyone of you and not feeling so alone on this crazy journey. Life is ever changing and the world just keeps on spinnin'...


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