A brighter month will come.

Monday AF finally showed up... Went to one of my girlfriend's house to help out with her two year old and go swimming. I had the thought when I woke up that going to see her just might bring on AF. We used to live together and wound up cycling together and I just had the silly thought that maybe it might help! Well, apparently the thought was not silly at all.

I know I got my hopes up, for some silly reason, I had a "feeling" she was late this time for a REASON. With the big wave of pregnancy announcements, I thought--hey maybe it is my time too! I mean this last month, I've lost weight--been pretty darn stress free since getting rid of a lot of toxic things/people in my life. I had a monumental change in my life that brought so much happiness. I thought, this is it! It is time!

Nope.

When I got in the pool on Monday I had started swimming some laps while my girlfriend had her two year old in her ring floatie....
Once in the deep end, I just stopped. I looked up and relaxed. I just laid there, floating staring at the clear blue sky hearing muffled voices under the water, I ignored everything and just thought, deep thoughts in my head and just let go. I talked to them.

I say them... I've always thought there are two angels up there waiting to come down to Robert and I.

I told them I will wait for forever if I have to, but to just tell me what I have to do...Just let me know.

Goals:

• It's time to really kick my butt back into gear and focus hard on losing the rest the weight to reach my goal. 
• Leave the house every day. I don't care what I'm doing, or how I'm feeling. I will not become as depressed as I was last year.
• Stay with my new hobbies. I've picked up sketching and got a camera Monday evening. And have been writing poetry a bit more. I will capture what I see... and express how I feel. In an artistic and POSITIVE way.
• I will continue to consider school, I just feel the timing is not right--and I cant brush that feeling, so I'm going to trust my gut and wait but still know I will go back to school some day to learn something new.
• This month I'm buying preseed and softcups. I will continue to try new things, but not get discouraged. I have a feeling that I am supposed to try new things, new ways and seek different advice. 
• TTC for me will become fun.
• "support groups" online are toxic. I will not join any, I will continue my blog, tumblr, and express myself in other ways. I seek advice, love and help from those who know me and my journey, but will always protect my heart from negative people, groups, and things.
• September is PCOS awareness month, I'm going to talk to my family all about PCOS, and wear my new blue and teal running shoes all month.  I am putting a teal ribbon around my tree in my front yard. I will be bettering my body and conquering PCOS every day.
• I will continue to be the NEW AMY and speak what I am really thinking, express my real feelings and not be used or walked over. I enjoy this confidence too much!

Those are just a few of my short term goals. Those are things that popped up when I was laying in the pool...and asked "what do I need to do?"

And now? Some pictures I've taken... I'm big on pictures and quotes at the moment, no clue why...

My girlfriend in her slippers in front of her fireplace

A piggy I saw in Oak Glen, CA 

Oak Glen, again!

My perfect, amazing husband being himself!