I've Come out of hiding!

And I'm back!

From my TTC break :) We didn't get pregnant. OBVIOUSLY.

We have had tons of ups and downs. It has been a very emotional several months. I've been busy out of my mind. I've traveled. Worked and worked and worked overtime. I've dealt with an awful and toxic ex, and visitation battles, I've dealt with finding a long lost sibling and having him back in my life. I've managed to take on a lot more work at my job and DH is working more hours. I've managed to somehow make it through all of the holidays. We've had some amazing memories these past few months, and have also surpassed some of the hardest struggles yet.

DH and I survived.
The Love Dare and prayer has saved us.

Now we are here, and ready to start trying for a family again. We are focused and stronger than ever. We have a plan set, goals, and finances set. Most importantly- we are emotionally ready for the struggle ahead. We know the road will be bumpy. We are ready to carry each other and hold each other up through the struggles. Here's to another year TTC.

***Baby Dust***

Living

It has been months....
Not much has changed. We are both working all of the time! We have my stepson most weekends. He keeps us super busy!

We are not currently medically ttc. We are saving money as our needed treatments will be super costly.
We don't try anymore. Whatever happens, happens--whenever we have time and energy. I've stopped obsessing and don't buy tests monthly anymore. I don't temp or track ovulation.

Our life is work, stepson, vacations, pets, house. For now I'm okay with that!

We are in a wonderful position if I were to miraculously fall pregnant, we would be so happy and financially, emotionally, and spiritually stable, we are just pretty sure its not going to miraculously happen!

God has a super great plan for me and He will never leave my side! I'm glad He leads my marriage, and my life.

Life is good.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Fertility Dreams.... 

Praying

“Shepherd of my soul, I praise You because You have created me and have a perfect plan for my life. I thank You for Your desire to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future. You have started this good work in me and I ask that You will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Even though I don’t understand why I have to go through these fertility challenges, I believe that You are a God who’s in control. I rest in the fact You hold my future and You are working all things together for my good. Thank You. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Another year older.

My birthday was May 14. DH's was May 18. We had an amazing time in Palm Springs. His parents came along, and I helped coordinate his birth mother and her husband surprising him there! I never wanted to leave! We all agreed me must plan another trip soon.

Today I'm on Cycle Day 9 (yes, that means AF showed up on our vacation!)
This is another Clomid cycle. Took it cd 3-7 this time. DH is taking the Maca Root, and we plan to BD every other day starting today until cd 21. Let's hope our schedules permit!

Turning 29 was bitter-sweet. I sobbed on my birthday realizing this is the last year in my 20's and those years are never coming back. I realized a lot of goals were never met. I realized my body is no where near where I want it to be and most of my 20's were spent being FAT. This kicked me so hard--that I decided to cut out all breads and starches, all sweets, and get back to the gym after years of not going. My first night at the gym I cycled 11 miles uphill in 31 minutes. For me that's insane! I've been stuck at a weight plateau for well over 6 months now...gaining a couple, losing a couple...and I'm tired of it!

I hope this last year in my 20's brings tons of changes, and joy. I'm gonna ROCK my 30's!!!

Birth/Step Mother's Day

Yesterday I had the opportunity to spend the entire day with my husband and sweet stepson. We called it step mother's day and birth mother's day.

We started the morning super early with breakfast in our jammies at IHOP! Then we came home and packed up the car and spent the rest of the day at Mother's Beach which also has a playground. I had soooo much fun! After we left we drove around while the little man took a nap and wound up at a really neat store I've been wanting to go to. The boys picked out a new purse/backpack for me. I love it :) We then came home and had to send the lil man home so he could be with his momma for Mother's Day.
Then I curled my hair and DH took me out to an AMAZING Greek restaurant (he sure knows me well!) and then we spent the rest of the night walking around DOWNTOWN DISNEY!!!

I'm grateful I was able to celebrate yesterday with the boys, I'm trying my darnedest to keep my chin up today. My heavenly father comforts me in ways that get me through.

I'm praying for each of us still trying for miracles, those with mothers in heaven, those with angel babies up above. May you all find peace, joy, and love today.

Here's a recap of yesterday!

Breakfast!
Mother's Beach
appetizers at dinner
my gifts!


On a separate note:

I'm on cycle day 26-- nothing terribly unique about this cycle. Moods are kind of up and down more often. Slightly more gassy. I've learned over the years to not get so hopeful....so I will probably wait to test till after my vacation next weekend! (My birthday is in two days and hubby's is in six days so we are running away to Palm Springs for the weekend with his parents! SOOOO excited!)