MIA

I have to apologize! I have been MIA from the blogsphere for almost two weeks!

I was going through a very hard time and kind of took a break from blogging. I needed to focus on the matter at hand and work through a lot of emotions and I found myself on my knees and back at church. I would never wish what happened on anyone, but I am grateful to where it brought me. To my knees. I was able to filter through some things in my life and get rid of unnecessary stresses and problematic people in my life. I have been able to gain a new perspective on life and realize all of my blessings that are present and realize that I need my God in my life---it was a humbling experience to know that I could not do this "alone." Things are starting to look up again, I don't cry a thousand times a day and life is becoming more bright again. I want to thank those who knew what was going on for all of your support and prayers and faith in me and that my situation would get better. You are all amazing friends--near and far. 

I put on a couple of pounds during this time, but am confident I can get them right off. I am due for AF around my birthday in a couple of weeks. JOY! She's been rearing her ugly head pretty late recently so we will see what happens this cycle!

Congrats to those IF bloggers who recently got your BFP's or adoption approvals or gave birth to your miracles! You are truly inspirational and amazing women.

I'll try harder to keep up to blogging!

update.

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now, I just wanted to stop by and update on a few things.
AF finally showed up yesterday 11 days late.
I'm at a total of 28.8 lbs lost, but don't see it anywhere. I am very impatient I guess and Just wish I looked smaller in my eyes.

I am going through an extra hard time right now--and hoping to stay away from falling into a deep depression, so if you could send prayers/positive thoughts/good vibes my way, I sure do need it right now.

I really enjoyed getting to know you all on my last post. I challenge those who haven't posted on my last post--to tell me a bit about your story.

Thanks everyone.

-Aims

Reader's challenge.

If you're a follower of this blog--whether from the beginning or not, or maybe just stumbled upon this blog post... I have a challenge just for you.

I am posting this in hopes of absolving my "I feel so alone in this journey" emotion that I am having today.

My challenge to you:

I would like you to comment on this blog. I don't care if I already know you, you're a complete stranger, you avidly read this blog but never let me know you're here reading alongside my journey through ttc and weight loss. I would like for you to just tell me who you are and where you are at in life, whether you are going through ttc, infertility, motherhood, weight loss, or none of the above. I need to hear from YOU to put ME aside, to get out of my head. To shut my sad thoughts up--even if just for a moment....

Looking back 4 years...in pictures.

Very much BRAVERY is required for this post.

I am going to take you back to May 14th, 2008. (My 24th birthday!)
I had just had a minor TIA mini stroke.. yet, still truckin'! Little did I know, a month later I'd have another one that would land me longer in the hospital and unable to walk right for four months. I think this coupled with PCOS is what started my weight gain.....

Here I am on my Birthday in 2008.. 9 sizes smaller than I am now.












Let's fast forward to May 2009....By this time I was already trying to cover up part of my body in pictures wearing baggy huge clothes....was already up many sizes. PCOS must have been present by then, not taking care of myself, having no idea why it was so hard to lose weight. Going through MAJOR depression....

Don't you just love that ugly pink parachute I am wearing??

Now lets go to some time in May 2010... Again, covering up as much as possible...wearing tight shirts under my shirts to try to suck it all in...just trying to blend in...

Let's toss in one from July 2010---an engagement shot...(notice the one here at the top of my blog is cropped as much as possible..I felt so ugly after seeing the hundreds of pictures, I cried that night. The arms, the double chin....I was getting worse, not better. By this time--I would go months without periods, had no clue what was going on, why no diet was working...





Now let's go to my bridal shower which was September 2010 (trying so hard to lose weight before the wedding. With only an 8 pound success)

I am already a size 17/18 here....












I'll throw in one right before my wedding...that morning in fact---just because. SO unattractive. (October 2010)

And here is one in my dress. I just love how I look pregnant, full of acne by this time. That day I refused to not wear something to cover my huge arms.







The first few months of my marriage were the toughest of my entire relationship with Robert. Some scary things happened that threatened our marriage, our new home was in disarray through the extreme remodels going on. I lost sense of time, and sense of self at that time.


Let's fast forward to May of 2011. This picture was literally taken days before I broke my ankle. I took this photo in hopes of starting a weight loss journey then... but little did I know I wouldn't be able to walk or stand or anything for the next several months. By this time I'm already pretty much a size 20...and I'd gain 20 more pounds and barely fit into a size 20 in the next few months. I would, though in this time, get my PCOS diagnosis. FINALLY!

Now, since this weight in this picture, I've lost around 23 pounds.

This picture is at an 18 pound weight loss....

Let's remind everyone:

I can not wait to love myself again. I am so glad that I know now what has caused so much weight gain, and how I can treat it, and I hope I stay motivated. I'm glad I found this picture from 4 years ago today.

PCOS, You will not control my life anymore! Even if you keep me from having a baby, you will NOT keep me from being sexy anymore! I will gain my body back. I will love myself again. I can do this!

Always Late!

AF is 4 days late... here we go again! I just wish she'd show up and be done for!! I will be in Vegas in 12 days and trust me, I do not want to be bitchy and bleeding!! I'm sooo ready for a small vacation and then another in mid-May! MUCH needed!

I'm happy to report that I've lost a total of two more pounds, and can't wait to lose more! I am happy that I am back on track and need to focus on getting healthy.

I've been cleaning for hours and hours today and it just seems like it never ends. People come to my house and tell me how clean and nice my home is---but with OCD, I see specks of dust on baseboards, I see the tiny spots on the granite, I see the moisture collecting on the fridge shelves. Oh, how I wish I had a housekeeper! We are considering hiring one for just once a month and I can pick up the slack in between. Our grass grows so quick we have to mow once a week, and that is just nuts! I can't wait until everything in our house and our lawns are completely remodeled and just the way we want. I have a feeling though, that the remodeling will continue for a few more years. I always come up with new ideas!!!!

Ok, AF---you better get here SOON!

Back to cleaning I go!

I don't dread Mondays anymore! for now...

I have to report that I fell off the weight loss wagon for about a week. Didn't do my daily workouts, didn't count calories and ate some junk. I gained .6 lbs and didn't lose my 2lbs a week goal. I'm BACK! I don't know what that funk was but I'm out of it now!!!

I am going to Vegas in 2 weeks on a timeshare and then to Arizona in 6 weeks for my DH's birth-brother's HS graduation! I am so excited to get away, but I want to feel good and be healthy on these trips! I've been so busy at the office, and with meetings and scheduling events for the next several months. I'm also still working on research and trying to get the amazing nonprofit up and going with the gals. I LOVE being busy, I HATE being busy with insomnia, but I am making it work.

Like my title says, I don't dread Mondays anymore, it is actually exciting to be busy again!!! This wedding season is going to be so busy...I've got to make time to get into my RE and get a few more tests done. I would love to see if they can detect IR so that I can start Metformin, I believe that might help with the losing weight and regulating my periods. We shall see!!!

Happy Monday fellow bloggers :)