For the first time in weeks, my house is completely silent, except for the fan whirling in the bedroom and the clack clack of these keys and a few birds chirping around my bay window.
Wow. I feel completely weightless right now. Kind of letting my mind wander wherever it wants to go. I keep imagining little onesies and a nursery. That is where my mind goes. I wonder if that means it isn't too far from reach for me? Strollers, binky's, diapers, and bibs. I'm at peace with letting myself think about it for the moment. I don't want to push that happy thought out this time. I kind of like feeling that way for a moment in time, be it true or not. I think allowing ourselves as women to live that dream in our heads every now and then can be therapeutic if you do it in small increments. Some days I'm too sad to allow those thoughts to flow through me, but today, I'm feeling pretty free.
Dang Trash Man, your loud truck just interrupted my daydream!
I know in the next few months I will be surrounded by babies, and pictures, and updates. I need to brace myself for that road. I don't want to lose friends or become distant with family because of my sadness, and hurt due to failure. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change...and grant me the serenity to accept the fact that it is not me just yet, but to be able to enjoy your little blessings/angels all around me.
Finally able to do yoga again. I only like doing it when I'm alone and can completely feel peace...and now that I have no cast on, it is much simpler. They have poses for fertility--just learned that. I recommend Yoga to all you ladies, even if just for when those days of dread appear. It does not solve anything, does not cure anything, can't lose weight fast from it... but it brings me to my core, my soul, and allows for a few moments of peace, which I know we all need.
Huggs to all of my IF sisters.