After a long, heart-felt talk with my DH, we decided this morning to take a small break. We're not going to chart, we're not going to have scheduled bd'ing days. I'm not going to obsess over medications, and soreness, and headaches and cravings. I made a phone call to my RE a few minutes ago to leave a message with him that we are deciding to take a short break from treatments and if I could come in and talk to him about the "mystery fluid" in my cervix and talk about maybe treating that. I'm waiting to hear back from him, he has today off.
We feel good about this decision. The hardest part is seeing so many pregnancies happen around us. We're going to stick together, be strong, get through it... and just relax. We hope to start trying again with treatments in a few months. I want to see if I cycle on my own without the Clomid as well. I'm so grateful to have a husband whom I can sit down with and make such huge decisions with, and help each other get through so very rough patches in life.
My personal main focus is going to be on weight loss. I really hope to succeed in this and keep it up. This past week I've successfully lost 7 pounds, and would eventually like to lose 83 more. I'm going to take small steps, but I'm doing a low carb diet and as much activity as my ankle will allow. I'm encouraging DH to join me on the journey to become more healthy and feel better physically. He wants to eventually lose about 30 lbs, and just be more fit for his type of work. Hoping to join the gym again and that will be another bonding thing for us... we used to, a few years ago, go together and workout together and it was just a lot of fun! I'm so fortunate to have my best friend as my husband.
I still struggle with sadness, so I want to work on that. For example, the other day I found out a person I know is having a girl. This person (opinions ahead) in my opinion, isn't ready for a baby. This person isn't married, doesn't work, doesn't have a stable living environment, is not a very mature person, and all she wanted was to get pregnant and have a girl. (My dream too! although any gender would be wonderful and a gift from God.) Well, she got what she wanted. I was so sad for a moment, and confided in DH and a couple friends and just worked my way through that feeling. Again, I don't understand God's plan, even women on the streets on drugs and doing wrong get pregnant. So I think that is something I need to work on, to feel better about and to let go of. It isn't so much jealousy as it is envy. I envy pregnant women because I want a family here in our home, and to give my DH a child. So, along with my weight loss these are some emotions I am going to work on. I'm also thinking about going back to school, so MIL and I are looking into schools and courses....it's nice to have her support and she understands my opinions and feels the same way. I know she's not my mother, but she's so much better.
I, of course, will still be blogging through this all, and may occasionally talk about ttc, because the emotions may come up.
Time for some changes =)
P.S. I'm still loving carrots and milk!