Weight loss progress

At the end of March this year, a friend of mine took a picture of me bowling on our double date and he text me the picture thinking I'd love it and want to post it.

That was SO FAR FROM THE TRUTH.
I saw that picture and it was a huge wake up call. I didn't realize just how BIG I'd gotten. With the major depression, serious PCOS hormone problems, last year's broken ankle incident-causing me to not walk for months, new medications and fears, serious pain flare ups, I had gained and continued to gain. In 2008 I was big, but not BIG. I was a size 11 and about 165lbs. I even wore a bikini. I'd like to be under that by 2013 summer....a LONG WAY to go!!!!

My wake up call jump started my weight loss. I became more active (no workout schedule due to health issues, but hope to change that soon!) I began paleo then switched to gluten free eating. I am not as STRICT with the gluten free as I should be, and hope to change that again! Please, if you suffer from PCOS, consider gluten free. SO MANY OF US ARE INTOLERANT TO GLUTEN AND DO NOT KNOW IT! Now, I have a long way to go, A LONG WAY...but I am going to say I'm proud of where I'm going, and what I've accomplished thus far.

52lbs gone!

I'd like to lose at least 50 more, if not, 75 more!!! I'm now a size 17/18...and ideally would like to be below a 10. I will never be that girl who is a size 5, or whatever. My hips are way, way too wide and I have a rather large behind!

I know several posts ago I posted a picture, so I'll post that again, and then a few recent ones that I think show the most weight loss progress!









and this next one is me at Christmas one year ago. I cried when I found it in my email.

And I can't believe I'm going to post it....

SO GROSS. I was so sad. Such a lot has changed in one short year...

A Check-in with some thoughts.

Oh, boy have I been going through some necessary changes!! Some big changes.
I have in the past few months sat down and looked at my surroundings and literally weeded through hundreds of people. Wondering why certain people were involved in my life? Realizing I kept negative people around simply because I hate feeling lonely. Allowing chaos to enter my home and marriage. Allowing stress to overtake me. Being the reason for sadness, drama, unnecessary stress and arguments with many people. Realizing some people judge us without getting to know us, MANY people take advantage of our kindness and hospitality, and some people are just at different places in their lives than we are or want to be.

I had to let go of a lot of people/places/things. I want to build myself up, and I'm finding it hard to do. I've realized just how LITTLE self confidence I have. I'm focusing on what is important to me and I'm scared to death to find out who I am, but I am ready. Very ready. Through my anxiety and fear, I've just kept trekking. Yes, my home is quieter, yes some people are angry that I "deleted" them, yes, I don't recognize myself at the moment but I'm ready. I want to know who I am, and what my Heavenly Father has created me to be.

If not a mother right now, then who?

I've been trying to stay active, learn to be by myself in quietness, and focus on my immediate surroundings. Accept emotions as they come, process feelings and speak up.

Speaking up and saying how I truly feel has been probably the biggest change in me and the most liberating.
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I celebrated 2 years of marriage with my husband up at Hearst Castle in late October. It was simply heaven. The best trip and time spent together yet. A memory I'll cherish for a lifetime.

November brought joy, close family, Thanksgiving, and some party planning.

This month, so far, I have stayed quite busy planning my stepson's 6th birthday party which was a HUGE success.
I hosted a Bug Birthday party here at my home and had a HUGE turnout. Bounce house, kids and puppies running around, adults mingling laughing and enjoying food. I made centerpieces, party favors, decorations and more. I had the help of a good friend, and it was an enjoyable and stressful thing to do, but worth every minute of sleep lost, every anxiety and tear. I doubted myself too much (as usual) and it wound up being one of the best parties I've ever put together!

Now that that is over, I'm focusing on Christmas. This will actually be the first Christmas morning I get to wake up next to my DH--just him and I. He won't be rushing off to work. No one will be here but just him and I. It will be just the two of us, which I am very much looking forward to. It will be a dream come true. A magical, peaceful day for sure.
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I'm not quite sure I want this blog anymore? Has it changed my focus? I do enjoy writing. It calms me, helps me express my inner thoughts. But, should I be focused on ttc right now, or is God calling me to do something else? I often sit quietly and ask him this.

I do want to take the time to thank all of my supporters who have encouraged me, read my posts, and been through this blog's journey with me for the past 18 months. Most of those I've followed have conceived or adopted, and have had wonderful success stories and that gives me hope for one day. One day when God is ready.

For now, I am becoming Amy. Whoever she is.


Below are a few pictures of our dear Hunter's 6th birthday party. I may add more later as I get them.
Also, some Christmas Pictures from us.














 

Stopping.

Just hopped on my blog to let everyone know that DH and I made a big decision today to stop family planning for at least 6 months. We are done!

This cycle was my last straw. I got 9, may I say NINE faint positives, and af was six days late.


These next six months are going to be about spoiling the heck out of ourselves and living our lives to the fullest. We are going to go places, and just have fun as a married couple.

I may hop on to blog every now and then, but I'm going to halt most all things that have to do with ttc.

This is just reality of infertility. Breaks are good. And this one is necessary for my sanity. I'm sick of seeing so many women around me just pop up pregnant...it's quite frustrating, but now I'm just going to say secretly in my head "at least I still get to go out late at night!!!" Maybe, just maybe that will help me feel better? Who knows.

I'm going to work on becoming a sexy & skinny wife for the next six months.
WATCH ME!

Reality is, that infertility can destroy people. I won't let it destroy me.

I'm done trying.

For now.

Keep in touch:
acrsmethurst@gmail.com

I'm a grandma!

To puppies that is!
Our sweet Sammie gave birth this morning to 4 healthy, teeny tiny, beautiful puppies!


I got the privilege of watching the very last pup be born and the whole process of mama eating the after birth and everything. It has been a very long morning!
DH woke up around 5:45 and woke me up. 1 pup had already been born and whining and squirming and one was just out of the after birth. By 9:30am, all four were born and everyone was exhausted. DH was already at work, but did have an hour to stop by around 11 and check on his grand puppies. We had a celebratory lunch together!
I'm going to post some pictures of these cutie pies, my grand pups.



Firstborn!


Daddy checking out his firstborn puppy!


Right after fourth was born!


Such a good Mama!


The order in which they were born starting from Top Left corner to bottom right corner :)

If you're wondering the breed: they are wholeheartedly mutts! :) Mommy is a pug chihuahua and Daddy is a Maltese, Pomeranian, Cocker Spaniel mix.

We believe there are two girls and two boys!

We've had tons of visitors today and now everyone is relaxing and settling in. My dear Sammie is such a good mommy and she did so well. It is amazing how they instinctively know what to do and the entire birthing process.

Definitely a memory I'll cherish for a lifetime.

Lubalicious!

I am quite sure that is not a real word. But, I think I'll done it real for this post.
I'm on a Preseed binge. Daily. Almost a week straight now (minus one day)!!!
(hello, fertile window!)

On the box it says "Seriously Fun Baby Making"

Welp, heck yah!

It's fun alright ;) Let's just hope the last two words come to fruition.

Making babies, making babies making babies!!!!


That is pretty much all that is new in my TTC life.
We've decided to use Preseed monthly for the next several months.

We'll just have to see if it assists in making a BABY in my body :)




Happy Hump Day, Folks!

Son of a Crack Nut, what?

What is this? I've had the most odd cycle, probably in the history of my menstruating. Seriously. Af was only 4 days long. Um... ?? First time for everything?

Then, four days after she was "gone," there is a gush of old dark brown blood. Then once every few days after that. What is this? It is now only apparent when I wipe...sometimes. Some days there is nothing at all. I've had some pretty sharp pains below my belly button. Seriously dragging for days now. Emotional.

I've been pretty sick for about a week. I still function but headaches have caused some serious puking. Also lots of tummy troubles.. I mean LOTS. Who knew a body could have that much, um... poop?
I got ALL freaked out like, what if... what if???


BFN yesterday.




Seriously? I lose weight, stress less, eat better, and my period wants to act like this??

Dear uterus and ovaries, I'm disappointed in you!
Yours truly.


Anyone experience this before? Tips? Advice? Suggestions? Thoughts?

progress

A brighter month will come.

Monday AF finally showed up... Went to one of my girlfriend's house to help out with her two year old and go swimming. I had the thought when I woke up that going to see her just might bring on AF. We used to live together and wound up cycling together and I just had the silly thought that maybe it might help! Well, apparently the thought was not silly at all.

I know I got my hopes up, for some silly reason, I had a "feeling" she was late this time for a REASON. With the big wave of pregnancy announcements, I thought--hey maybe it is my time too! I mean this last month, I've lost weight--been pretty darn stress free since getting rid of a lot of toxic things/people in my life. I had a monumental change in my life that brought so much happiness. I thought, this is it! It is time!

Nope.

When I got in the pool on Monday I had started swimming some laps while my girlfriend had her two year old in her ring floatie....
Once in the deep end, I just stopped. I looked up and relaxed. I just laid there, floating staring at the clear blue sky hearing muffled voices under the water, I ignored everything and just thought, deep thoughts in my head and just let go. I talked to them.

I say them... I've always thought there are two angels up there waiting to come down to Robert and I.

I told them I will wait for forever if I have to, but to just tell me what I have to do...Just let me know.

Goals:

• It's time to really kick my butt back into gear and focus hard on losing the rest the weight to reach my goal. 
• Leave the house every day. I don't care what I'm doing, or how I'm feeling. I will not become as depressed as I was last year.
• Stay with my new hobbies. I've picked up sketching and got a camera Monday evening. And have been writing poetry a bit more. I will capture what I see... and express how I feel. In an artistic and POSITIVE way.
• I will continue to consider school, I just feel the timing is not right--and I cant brush that feeling, so I'm going to trust my gut and wait but still know I will go back to school some day to learn something new.
• This month I'm buying preseed and softcups. I will continue to try new things, but not get discouraged. I have a feeling that I am supposed to try new things, new ways and seek different advice. 
• TTC for me will become fun.
• "support groups" online are toxic. I will not join any, I will continue my blog, tumblr, and express myself in other ways. I seek advice, love and help from those who know me and my journey, but will always protect my heart from negative people, groups, and things.
• September is PCOS awareness month, I'm going to talk to my family all about PCOS, and wear my new blue and teal running shoes all month.  I am putting a teal ribbon around my tree in my front yard. I will be bettering my body and conquering PCOS every day.
• I will continue to be the NEW AMY and speak what I am really thinking, express my real feelings and not be used or walked over. I enjoy this confidence too much!

Those are just a few of my short term goals. Those are things that popped up when I was laying in the pool...and asked "what do I need to do?"

And now? Some pictures I've taken... I'm big on pictures and quotes at the moment, no clue why...

My girlfriend in her slippers in front of her fireplace

A piggy I saw in Oak Glen, CA 

Oak Glen, again!

My perfect, amazing husband being himself!

Crazydotcom

Sweet Jesus! What was life like before the interwebs? I am in amazement and awe lately at the way people are acting on social networks and the things that are being done and said. Sometimes I wonder---do these people have windows in their homes? Do they know real life exists outside of the cyber world? People you never met bashing and bothering and construing things. I feel bad for the people that take it seriously. Some places I've seen all over the internet--places I've joined...people I've NEVER really met in real life just going off. Holy Moly, this is just unreal.

I am super glad I am able to realize life goes on! I feel bad for the people online that actually let typed out words bother them and actually feel sad and hurt over things. Its quite strange to me actually. The most bickering often has been seen in TTC groups, forums and websites. Really? I think places like that were created for encouragement, support, questions, and so on...but oh lord. *rolls eyes*

Internet breaks are great. Life was so simple before the world wide web had become so intertwined in daily lives. Laptops, cell phones, even gaming devices now are online! I miss the peace and quiet of the early 90's. Not that my personal life was peaceful but the stress and chaos of the cyber world wasn't even a glimmer in my eye.

I wonder if these people are just sad and lonely? If real life just sucks so bad that they can not face it and would rather create a made up world online? I know I have been a pretty big social networker for years, but the more I lay off, the better life goes!

I am super happy with where I'm at today. The peace and calm in my life??? Much needed, and blessed to have so much greatness. So much joy and laughter has been brought into my life that I just can't look back! I pray daily for those struggling so bad that their only escape is harshness, meanness, and to be involved in what I've been calling lately : cyber soap operas.

My challenge to people out there: Take a day or two to just not LOG IN to anything. Nothing, go outside, breathe the air. Touch the grass, smell the world. Go to a store, smile at people, real people. Remember your real purpose. Touch someone, help someone real. It feels good.

As for me ttc? Af is 3 days late.. grrrrr :/

Boob.

Dear Boobs,
Please stop hurting me so bad if all you are going to give me are BFN's and a late AF. It's not very nice of you two, and really you are causing me a lot of discomfort and pain.
Much Appreciated,
Amy

Water

Yes, it seems something is in the water again.
                                                         
Some mystical, magical water that I seem to never be able to get my hands on. Each day this week I have woke up to more pregnancy announcements. More posts on complaining about pregnancy. 20 year bulimic alcoholics winding up pregnant with twins and no one even knew she had a guy in her life. THOSE are things that just boil my poor blood and bring out some very hot tears. I hate doubting God. I don't like that feeling. Seeing things like that happen in front of my eyes just makes me want to scream at my creator. What? Why? How? What have I done so wrong? Its a lonely deep feeling that I just don't like.


I'm sure if Facebook didn't exist I wouldn't know about more than half of these "oopsie" pregnancies and I'd have a different focus. I would be going on about my merry little way trying to figure out why my body is the way it is.
It is just unnerving the people that plan or don't plan these pregnancies and are no where near capable of taking care of a child, or another child. I hear comments like "oh I want to be pregnant so bad, I just don't want the baby..." WHAT?  >.<

Talk about wanting to scream!!!! 

So God, if you're reading my blog...and with whoever else is reading this....could you speak to me? Speak to all of us. Let us know you are here. I sure hate questioning you, and being so angry. I need to let go and trust in YOUR plan, not mine. That is such a hard thing to do. When you want something so bad, it is hard to let go of trying so hard in every single way. Would you be with all of us?


I need You now.

Laters, Baby.

Just out of curiosity, I wonder how many of you "get" my title?! Can you tell what I am reading at the moment?

Ever want a libido lift, a rush of desire? Pick up 50 Shades of Grey. Holy Moly, it is insane. Talk about dtd all the time now! I surprised DH with candles, and ordered him to bring home whipped cream. And played some jazz music. Lets leave it at that! (these kinds of things have become the norm now!)
We'll just say that this month has been a busy ttc month...well, not really ttc...more just connecting with each other. Igniting the flame again? Its nice to feel close again and not be so stressed. I also think partly that going  Paleo brought back my libido...I haven't been this way in years. I feel young again! (not that I'm old, but at times my body and mind feel 100.) I'm not too sure how many of you out there have read, liked, disliked, enjoyed, not enjoyed this trilogy--so could you, if you have leave your review as a comment below? I'm fascinated to know what reading these books has done in the IF world *wink* *wink*


Hubby is working a whole lot. I make sure we get at least an hour a day together, whether that is before or after work. Cooking together, watching tv together, gardening, walking---whatever it may be, I can not let us become distant due to work. Quality time in our marriage is so important to me.


My life changed on Sunday. For the better. I will never be the same person again. I am still in a daze and on cloud 9 over what happened. I vowed from that moment to never let anyone walk all over me again, to stand firm in my beliefs, to enjoy life to my best ability, and to say how I feel all of the time. I am not, and will not ever be who I was for so long. It was one of the happiest days of my 28 years of being.

 It is very private and personal, so those of you who would like to know, feel free to email me at mr.mrs.schoales@hotmail.com

Looking forward to some feedback :)

AF Came and went.

It's funny the night after I last posted, AF showed up.. only a day late. That is a good thing, right? I think so.

I am seriously wondering when my life is going to slow down. I've gotten so much good news recently that I just can't believe I'm living in MY REALITY. Surely, this is someone else's life, right? In my 28 years, never has there been so many blessings poured over me. I'm hesitant, because don't you think I could jinx it?! I'm just overwhelmed with happiness, and joy. I'm grateful for the big changes about to happen in my life, though scary they are only going to be WONDERFUL changes.

I'm sorry I don't much update anymore. Not only am I really busy most days, but I just feel like because I'm ttc naturally--there really isn't anything new. I know soon, once we get new insurance plans--I will be heading straight back to my RE and trying new things--possibly adding Clomid again. For now, we are trying all of the natural ways. I think I may invest in PRESEED this cycle... hey, why not?! We are not trying so hard that we get disappointed with bfn's, I think because we are focused hard on all of the other things going on.

Hope to hear from some of you out there, I miss your comments and support!

Catch up

A bit about what is new:

No AF. She decided to be late again (just 1 day so far). I was so thrilled with my body last cycle! I was sure it was going to happen again :/  I've tested 3x and all BFNs so I'm pretty sure she is just screwed up again.

I've gone paleo!!!!!!! What is that? It is a new lifestyle change and its clean eating. It is also called the caveman diet, but I hate the word diet so I prefer to use the term Paleo! I have lost 8 lbs in 7 days and am almost down one size. Just from completely changing EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth. I haven't really worked out much until yesterday when I did a lot of laps in the pool, water aerobics and underwater situps. I love doing exercises in the pool because I feel no pain and am able to do more, longer. My acne has also gone WAY DOWN and I just all around feel more energized and--whats the word.... um, normal? I don't feel so "off" all of the time or as severely "moody."

DH's job is going GREAT! I sure miss him, though. I see him for a few minutes at night and for a few minutes in the morning (going to be hard to ttc!) We are so much more financially stable now...its such a relief to not have that stress at all. Heaven knows we don't need that stress.

I'll take some pictures in a week or two and update the changes in my body!

On a sad note, someone I know took their life in the early morning hours of July 18th. I was so saddened to hear the news and my prayers and condolences go to friends and family. I can not say who it is, for privacy reasons, but it hit close to home and has been tough to get through. I know this person is no longer in pain physically or emotionally--I'm just so heartbroken. Extra prayers for this family? Thanks.

Good luck to all the ttc'ers out there, and congrats to new mommies, and all those bfp's!

Catching Up

There isn't really a whole lot to catch you all up on. I'm am adjusting to DH's new work schedule which changes weekly. I'm learning to lay down and sleep next to him any hour of the day just to get some QT with him. I'm learning to wake up at 2 or 3am and cook breakfast for us. I'm learning how to run a household myself and take on ALL the responsibilities, not half...which is kind of difficult for me, due to my major back problems. I've been having a ton more spasms but I do know that I can do it! I'll take on all the dirty work!!!

DH is determined for me to be a stay at home housewife, and I'm not too sure that is what I want to do. Yeah, I'd probably want to be a stay at home MOM some day, but just housewife? I'm not so sure of that. He wants to turn my office into a office/craft room. That would be fun and all, but I feel the need to be outside doing something, and serving a purpose. We'd love the extra income, but its not needed such as before. I don't know that I could get used to so much quietness so often. I told DH I'm still going to be putting in some applications and considering school in the next few months. I just really want to take things slow and adjust and find a good balance in our home. We used to go on 4 or 5 dates a week, now I have no idea when our next date will be! We were lucky last night DH was available for a little bit and his parents took us out to a British pub to celebrate his new job! It was super fun and relaxing...but I can't wait to go on a date with just him and I.

We started a future baby fund and that was SUPER exciting. We don't know if one day we will need that for fertility treatments or to purchase baby things, but knowing we are securing funds for either is a wonderful feeling!!! We also decided to start saving for a new car! I'm already browsing to see what would be good for us for now, and a future family.

I left a few ttc groups online...I thought my focus had become out of whack and some groups were in a baby boom, I swear! It wasn't healthy to watch pregnancy announcements daily and then see women who went from the pain of ttc to complaining about this and that and then giving birth and still complaining. I sure hope I NEVER do any of that.

I also made a big personal decision and still wondering if it was the right one, but I'm on my knees often praying about it, and just keeping my faith and staying positive. I really feel this next year is going to be the best of my adult life and the best of our marriage, I see things changing and becoming adventuresome!

I've really got to get back to some projects I'm doing. Glad to catch up with all of you!

Life at it's busiest!

Busy as a bee. Constantly!
I feel awful for not being the good blogger I once was and keeping my dear readers up to date. Life has turned around completely. For the better!

No, No, I'm not pregnant--yet.

But, it seems almost every other area is slowly starting to become amazing! DH got a new job, a wonderful paying job, and it is such an amazing opportunity for our family! We have had DH's 5yo son A LOT! First time ever, we saw him 4 days in a row this last week. DH and I spent some time just crying. Crying because we were overwhelmed with gratitude. We were so happy and so full of joy to be able to spend that much time to enjoy each other and to be able to parent. We have done many fun and exciting things, and also many pretty normal things. It has really brightened our lives to be around him so very much, and we will soak up every moment that we can. We have also been slowly getting our back yard turned into a back yard and not a weed HELL. I can not wait to have my garden and my reading spot near our fruit trees. I can not wait to have grass and a pool! I've been spending a lot of time also trying to keep up with the nonprofit 1in10, and keep up with the house work while DH was training for his job. He got his van and starts driving on his own tonight! I will need to get used to the over night shifts, the 4am shifts, the middle of the day shifts. We will have to get used to sleeping whenever, NOT seeing each other all the time, and how to sleep without waking each other up! It is all new but very exciting. We have never had the opportunity to have MORE than enough money, we will NOT be living from pay check to pay check. I am now really considering whether to go back to school or find a job close to home. I CAN consider this now, and feel privileged for it!
As far as ttc, yes, we still are going at it naturally. Ovulation should be later this week, if it does occur on it's own. Still stuck at the same weight, but plan on starting a new workout program to see it that will help jump start my body, just grateful to not have gained any!

Well, I have a ton of work to do to prepare for the party we are hosting tomorrow for the 4th of July! 18 guests and we are joining our block party! Whew. I am going to post a few pictures from our fun times with the little rascal! Back to work I go!

BEACH DAY!
FAMILY (FEET) 2012
 LOVE THIS BOY!
 SILLY FACES! (we were on the front porch watching birds!)
 PRETTY MUCH DESCRIBES US!
SLIP N SLIDE FUN (NO ONE WAS HURT!)
 WE GOT HIM A NEW POOL!
 DADDY IS NOW THE TICKLE MONSTER!

Take care readers, I really look forward to hearing from each of you as it brings me great joy :)

Success!

AF showed up yesterday!!! ON TIME, ON THE DAY SHE WAS EXPECTED- for the first time in a VERY long time!!!

This is a HUGE success in my book. To get my body to do THAT right, and naturally-- gives me hope! I know that if I continue to change my diet, exercise, lose weight, stress less and take vitamins that there just might be a glimmer of hope to conceive without invasive treatments.

 I was at a close friend's house and getting ready to go out and get pedicures when I started, I just HAD to call DH and let him know the good news! I started ON TIME. He laughed and asked why he should celebrate THAT? hahaha I told him that it means my hormones just may be getting back on track and maybe we could get pregnant in the next year or so!


He was like other than you bleeding, that is WONDERFUL news...he just giggled because, like me, we are so amazed at what we are proud of and celebrate through this IF journey. Oh, to celebrate AF. Who would have thought?

Slacking!

I just remembered that I have a blog! DOH!

Things around here have been super busy, super crazy and super fun. DH started a new and amazing job, I'm working my tush off with 1in10, and we are working on our backyard.

OH, my, the backyard. I can't describe to you enough how much of a nightmare it is! Previous tenant worked on cars back there had a huge doughboy pool and let chlorine leak all over. It became nothing but weeds and they were un-stoppable! When we took our trip to Arizona last month, we had our house tented and I thought that was a perfect opportunity to try to kill these horrendous weeds. I spent hours and hours while the hubs was at work spraying weed killer in our backyard. Well, it worked! I killed it all! Mind you, when we remodeled, DH took a sledge hammer to the old kitchen and threw it all in a pile in the back... well that is FINALLY gone!!! Sounds horrible, doesn't it? I've been so embarrassed when guests come over, I don't want anyone to see our backyard because we've worked so hard on the front (it was dirt and weeds as well) and the inside of the house for a year and a half now, and its gorgeous! I am so excited to dream up what I want our back yard to look like with all of our fruit trees! It is definitely a slow process but happy it is happening, finally.

Personally, I've been alright. Going through anxiety attacks, which I haven't had in YEARS....learning how to deal with them without medication is tougher than I thought, but I have a very patient husband and some wonderful friends who help me! AF is "due" in 2 days, but we all know she's been off course for months now. Who knows when she will decide to rear her ugly head. I just hope soon, so I can feel and think that my body is doing better! I've had a lack of energy phase going on lately--but I think that it is all of the being busy and going and going and going lately. I have NO bb pain, which isn't normal. I'm bloated with tons of cramps that just showed up late last night...so let's hope, and wish she shows up on time!

my husband's guest post

Really surprised I actually got him to do it! Actually, I kind of brought it up and he JUMPED on the idea and sat down and started writing immediately. I love him so much! I am amazed every day at how much he supports me and loves me no matter what. He wrote about PCOS, infertility and Father's Day. I have posted his post onto 1in10's company blog and you can read it here.

Welcome Video!

I created this video for 1in10, Inc. Please share! Welcome to your PCOS journey.
(don't forget to turn up the volume!)

1 year

It was today--a full year ago. June 1st, 2011. The post (my very first blog post) from that day is here.

It was today then that I finally got answers. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome one year ago today. I've learned so much about PCOS and have reached out nation-wide. I have crossed paths with some of the most amazing women who also suffer from PCOS just as I do. I have worked with 3 other amazing women to start a non-profit to raise awareness for this very syndrome. I still read, research, and learn new things on a daily basis. I still want the world to hear what not only I'm going through, but what 1 in 10 women worldwide go through. I don't want to hide, I want to stand up and speak for me, for you.

I'm pretty sure I've had PCOS since hitting puberty--but I feel the true on-set was about 7 years ago when my acne, facial hair and weight gain got out of control. Ups and downs, and then constant Ups since 2008. I hope to gain better control of my PCOS, to still lose weight. I hoope to some day fully ovulate EVERY cycle on my own...and of course soon, I pray to the Lord that my body can sustain a pregnancy, some day when He sees fit. When it is right.

I vow to myself to never stop learning about PCOS. I promise to myself to treat myself better and love myself THROUGH PCOS. I vow to reach out as far as I can to other sufferers worldwide. I promise to listen, and to share. I promise I'll always remember this journey. I vow I'll never give up on myself or my body. I promise I will love myself with PCOS for the rest of my life--through the storms and through the fire, I'll never give up on ME or You.

1in10 Walk!

Please share this photo on your blogs, Facebook, Twitter, email, anywhere! Let's make this happen! Let's walk for PCOS. You can gather a team in your community and stand up and represent those who walk with PCOS every day. Stay tuned to our Facebook page for more details! 

A SUN day afternoon

Woke up. Kissed DH, we ate breakfast.
Dressed and went to church, water Coffee in hand.
Worshiped my Lord † and heard an amazing, amazing message.
Drove down to the beach while blasting oldies with the windows down and wind in our hair.
Had a HUGE and WONDERFUL lunch.
Drove onto the island and walked the streets, taking pictures and buying trinkets.
Held my husband's hand all day long.
He held my waist and whispered endearing words to me all day long.

I think I'm falling in love all over again. Is this possible?!

Today has been a magical and beautiful day in the sun.






 I love our fortunes!!!

As far as ttc goes, AF is almost over. She's real mean this month...has made me really sick a few days. Major clots. (tmi!!!) I'm just happy to move on and keep living. I'm not going to chart this month, I really don't want to. I am just so happy with where my marriage has been emotionally these past few weeks. It is almost like a dream. A really good dream. But it is my reality and I'm loving every day.



Suggestion: take a social networking break (it worked wonders for me!) and get away with your spouse/loved one. Even if just for one night or a few days. Go somewhere... turn off your phones and be kids. Fall in love again. This feeling is so peaceful and perfect. I give my Lord the glory for being in our marriage and showing us forgiveness and mercy. We would NOT be where we are if God was not in our marriage.

Can't wait to hear more about all of you ladies out there! I love following your journeys and hearing feedback and your advice. Leave me a message below if you'd like, and let me know how you are doing!

Happy Sunday!!

Happiest Place on Earth

We decided yesterday to continue our vacationing here, close to home.

We went to Disneyland and California Adventure!!! I had such an amazing and fun-filled day. It felt as if it was just DH and I at Disneyland all by ourselves. No one else, nothing else mattered. We hopped between parks and got on as many rides as possible and planted kisses on each other all day long. It was truly magical!

We ended the night watching the "World of Color" water show at California Adventure. It was spectacular, magical and peaceful to watch! This four year old boy became our little best friend during the show... blonde hair--blue eyes. Reminded me of my son so very much. DH played the "finding a quarter behind his ear" game with him and oh, boy was that kid excited!!!! His father and grandfather just laughed and laughed! Watching DH felt so wonderful. He is and will be a perfect father.

After the water show we were heading back to the tram to get to our car and go home. I stopped off at the bathroom and BAM AF finally showed up! Perfect timing, huh?? She was 9 days late this cycle! I'm getting pretty upset that my cycle is so screwed up lately, but at the same time so excited to start again and move on. I believe all of the recent serious stress has something to do with my pretty messed up cycles. It is quite funny how now I can get excited over AF showing up. My, how things change! For example, I found myself looking at all the double and triple strollers at Disneyland and wondering how many IUI, IVF or Clomid cycles these women had to endure to get their multiples. I laughed and told DH my thoughts and he chuckled because he was thinking the same thing! I do know that multiples can come naturally, it is just when you go through IF like we have, funny ways of thinking start to happen.

I'd like to share some pictures from yesterday (cell phone quality, sorry!) :

Love Disneyland!

 Haunted Mansion

LOVE <3

 World Of Color

Looking forward to a new cycle, peace and love. Looking forward to catching up on all of my blogger sister's posts. Looking forward to summer approaching!

Thought of the day: How is this summer going to be DIFFERENT for you? Better?