I spent the day on the couch and allowed myself to cry to every thought, every commercial, anything that made me tear up, I just let it flow which I usually try to hold it back and swallow. DH had to work overtime so that gave me more time alone and to get it together before he came home. He got home and said that the day must have been difficult for me so he wanted to pick up dinner instead of me having to cook, which I was very thankful for. I'm glad I'm able to get through these rough days better. It never gets easier but does become more bearable when I have so much love and support.
Speaking of love and support, I have something to share. I am absolutely amazed that God has placed certain people in my life who walk the same journey I am on right now through infertility. I can not believe the astounding support, encouragement and love that I feel. I got a gift in the mail from a very special blogger, one who I've followed since I joined the blogging world, and one that has followed me and supported me through each cycle I've had since beginning to blog. I opened my door and saw this box, ran to the kitchen to get the scissors....cut it open and pulled out a card, a stuffed monkey and a piece of paper. I opened the card, and tears immediately started flowing down my face. This monkey was blessed using the Fertility Blessing. This is something she had received from her sister right before her last cycle (now pregnant with triplets!) Her sister insists that it worked. She, her sister and mother said the fertility prayer while holding it, so it has extra power! I immediately felt so special. I stood there hugging the monkey and sobbing...I would have never imagined that a perfect stranger and her family would care so deeply about my dreams, about my emotions, and want to give me so much hope. I never thought I'd be so cared for from other women on this journey. I do not have a mother to walk through this with...but let me tell you Crystal, you are that mother, that sister, that friend I need. I've never met you, but I feel like I've known you forever. I feel that you, Jess, and I will stay in contact for a very long time. I was also told to rub the monkey on my belly when I'm done BD'ing...which I giggled and told my husband that a monkey will be joining us in bed!!! Did I mention the monkey giggles himself? I am grateful for amazing souls out there. I truly feel blessed.
Here is a picture of my special little guy:
The Fertility Blessing reads:
You know my deep desire for a child
A little one to love and to hold, to care for,
to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive
and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in
Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this
conception, my pregnancy and my baby's birth
are in line with Your will.
Heavenly Father and Holy Mother,
hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
Thanksgiving was also amazing. A ton of fun, and a great time to be around DH's family. I even lost 1.8 pounds, not gained! We did Black Friday shopping which was an adventure and a half! Got everything done by 1:20 am and that includes two stores!
I'm feeling blessed and grateful today. I thank each and every one of you who stop by and read my open book of emotions, I thank those of you who leave supportive comments and those of you who think about me and Robert as we go through this difficult but very educational journey in our lives. Its humbling knowing so many women go through this, and I hope to support as many of you out there as I can.