I really don't get how I can never fall asleep at night? This is nothing new in my life, ever since I can remember I never, ever fall asleep easy.
I at least can educate myself all night long. I love reading. I drown myself in words daily. Whether it be blogs, articles, scriptures online, inspirational sayings, books or whatnot. I seem to drift into another world, and I love it! I'm amazed at how much I read a day. I love to learn constantly. Is that strange???
Tonight I've got babies on the brain. Babies everywhere. Cutest baby pictures on www.pinterest.com. Family portraits for the holidays. Newborns dressed up and stuffed in peppermint filled jars. Reindeer antlers propped on their heads. Stuffed in massive stockings. Oh the joys of babies at Christmas. I'll be congratulating quite a few people who will have newborns around the holidays. I must not get too sad. I want to be filled with gratitude and joy for these friends of mine. I want so badly to be so happy for them. How do I put myself aside? My emotions, my aching soul, my heart break? There has got to be a simple answer to this. I've tried so much. So many different ways. What is the solution? Cyber world--do you know?
I'm so proud to be so in love with the most compassionate, tolerant, loving, and patient man. How, oh how does he put up with the crazy roller coaster I ride daily? Infertility has brought our marriage into dark places, and yet we still shine that lantern until it is bright again. We press on. We walk hand in hand. If God's blessing of infertility has brought me but one thing positive, I must say that it has brought me to see my soul mate in a whole new light. A light that shows determination and an indescribable love. For that, I have to say I'm thankful for. The one thing I can thank my heavenly father for on this hard road he's bestowed upon us. Everything, everything happens for a reason. And, not just any reason... HIS reason, HIS will, HIS plan.
My body is acting like I'm on clomid. A few hot flashes, sore bbs on and off, some twinges in my ovary. One day of belly button pain. A couple waves of nausea. Maybe, just maybe I ovulated on my own. If so, I'll be proud of my lady bits! Proud that they accomplished THAT this month.
Well, first attempt to go to sleep is in order. My IF sisters, you're all in my thoughts as I lay my head down tonight.